RYAN STATES: Artist Journal

I'm 2nd generation LDS (but no longer a believer or member.) My father was scoutmaster, general counsel, temple worker... My mother was stake primary president, seminary teacher... I was seminary president, full-time missionary in Montana, zone leader, trainer...

I was a believer who never doubted, not until the end of my mission. I began asking questions that no one could answer. I never expected to lose my faith in the church. I never believed that I could find a life outside the church (a sense of meaning or of community).

I never considered being gay as an option. I never imagined coming out. But gradually the answers came to me. I had lived such a sheltered life that I didn't know better than to believe what I had been told. I didn't self identify as gay because I didn't fit the given definition. But I've learned that there are lots of myths and stereotypes out there.

I am happier now than I ever was in the church. I had to ask myself if I could say goodbye to the life that I knew. It was extremely painful dealing with this struggle. And there have been some consequences. I never would have predicted which people would be accepting. It has changed my relationship with my family.

I left the church 11 years ago and came out 9 years ago. I'm happier being honest and leading a life that was meant for me. A life that's very fulfilling. I live life on my terms. I'm not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed the single life (and having to make up for lost time. lol)

I now have a partner of 3 years. We live on a circus train. It's a bit crazy but not as insane as the life that I once convinced myself was right.

A big thank you to those who share their stories with those who may not yet see that there is hope. Coming to terms takes a great deal of courage and strength, but you don't have to go through this alone.

Hillary, Obama and John Edwards all have top advisors with long careers within the industrial military complex. Hillary and Obama are the two biggest recipients of health insurance contributions.

Kucinich has the best record within the Democratic Party. He supports healthcare for all. He never voted for the war.

Mitt Romney whole-heartedly embraces a religion that tortures homosexuals. (See the link on electroshock therapy.)

80% of those polled say they'd be willing to vote for a 3rd party candidate. Want to make a real change in Washington? Vote Green.

The number one cause of bankruptcy in America is from medical bills. 75% of "medical bankruptcies" occur with people who had full healthcare coverage before they were hit with the medical bills. The number one cause of homelessness in America is from massive medical bills.

America still has privatized health insurance. In America 18,000 people die per year because they do not have health insurance. What is the Department of Homeland Security doing about that figure? What are the doctors and nurses doing? 18,000 deaths-- these are war-like figures. Doesn't this make the insurance carriers and the sell-outs in Washington a terrorist threat? http://www.michaelmoore.com/sicko/sickos-for-sale/candidates/
What can the government do about internal threats like this? What should they do? What should the people do?
http://www.michaelmoore.com/sicko/what-can-i-do/

This week in the mail I received an $85 settlement check from Verizon Wireless. They got sued in New York for false advertising their "unlimited" plan. I was one the customers who got cut off.

They terminated my account for going over the limit, which was approximately 5 GB in a 30-day period. A friend of mine is a writer on the AMC TV show Mad Men. I just purchased the first season of the show at iTunes because I don't get TV on the train. That singular purchase exceeds 5 GB.

P.S. The A/C was out again today. It was 85 degrees inside. That's four outages in the past 10 days.

The power went out this morning for 45 minutes even though we're not on a train run. It went out again this afternoon.

The train crew is sealing off our door air vents, the only place air can escape from our rooms. This reduces the air flow from the A/C vents by 60-70 percent. This morning the train crew said they had "a regulation threshold thing" to do. As a result my door won't close at all. They left without checking to see if the door would close. I called them back and they fixed it.

The thermostat is in the hallway for the entire train car and all it's residents. Now the air conditioner will have to work twice as hard because it'll have to be 50 degrees in the hallway before it will get below 80 degrees in our rooms.

You can't open the windows on the train. Whenever the electricity goes out we lose all air flow. With the porters being ordered to seal the door vents people are beginning to predict that someone will likely die in their sleep from suffocation when the electricity goes out. I won't comment on whether something like this has happened in the past.

I've personally been affected by this low oxygen scenario, even when the door vent was open. You wake up very slowly, lathargic and barely conscious-- and taking deep breaths. You begin to relate to the metophor of the frog that slowly gets boiled to death.

I learned that their original objective was NOT to cut off the air supply (glad that's cleared up), rather they were supposed to replace the dirty old, rusty door vents. Instead they decided to screw into place solid panels on both sides of the door. It improves appearance, but at what cost? Somebody decided to take the easy way out. Is it impossible to order new door vents?


As a result of a recent outcry by the residents there is a new rule. Train crew can't enter your private room unless they notify you that they were there and leave a note explaining the reason. Last night I came home and found that somebody had delivered a new mattress. There's no need to leave a note, but it would be nice if I knew they were coming in advance so that I could tidy up.

Last week someone entered my room and knocked over my Audio Technica microphone. No one left a note but I discovered that my fire extinguisher was missing. I assume that it's being tested or replaced.

Last Wednesday I saw a porter giving someone in management a personally guided tour of people's train rooms after everybody went to work. I wonder if they were leaving notes.

Last week we went without A/C four days. That same week several of my electronic devices stopped working properly. I wasn't using them at the time because I know that you're not supposed to operate them at temperatures over 90 degrees. My MOTU audio interface has a flickering LCD display. Other devices that seem to be feeling the wear and tear of being on this train are my computer, dvd player, and my UPS backup batteries which have been triggered 10-20 times per week on average.

My battery system cost me $400 three years ago. It already needs to be replaced because I'm only getting 15% of the original battery time that I used to get.


On the positive side my home became smoke free. After three years of lobbying the management they finally created a no-smoking policy inside the train. It was long overdue because you have 6 to 12+ people sharing same amount of air you'd have in a 1 or 2-bedroom apartment.

I watched 15 short clown gags the other night. I wanted to see some of the new clowns perform, plus they guilt-tripped me into staying and watching. "What kind of neighbor are you?" "What kind of friend are you?" [insert Hungarian accent] A lot of people turned out to show support. I met a contortionist, a composer, and an orchestrator. It's not a bad life on the circus, so long as you don't have any attachments to air, electricity, clean water... or the notion of privacy. lol

GOOD NEWS
1) My partner and I just celebrated our three-year anniversary.
2) My computer is back from the shop.
3) I completed another circus tour and I don't have to play that music anymore. 799 shows was more than enough.

BAD NEWS
1) Drama at work.
2) Only 3 out of the last 7 days had A/C.
3) 92 degrees in my room all night.

Can anyone help me find a store, online or otherwise, that carries non-fluoride and non-whitening toothpaste? I remember when most stores offered a choice but times have changed.

I've decided to get imported bottled water. I couldn't believe how great it tasted! Train water is not good. We hook up to a hydrant that doesn't necessarily come from the treated public water supply. Most of the bottled water in the US (Aquafina, Dasani, Poland Spring) comes, at least in part, from tap water and is likely to contain fluoride among other chemical by-products and pollutants. It's probably safer to drink tap water because it's government regulated.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/08/01/1435240

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The short answer: CD Baby, MySpace...

What does indie represent to me?

-- Integrity, creativity, high quality, uncensored, down to earth, freedom, not mainstream, do-it-yourself, unpredictable, glossy, raw, rare. --

I control every aspect of my work. I maintain the integrity behind everything that I do. Theoretically one can still be independent even if they're signed to an independent or major label.

Back in the mid-90s I sent out a demo tape to some record labels. At the time I only had 2-3 songs recorded on a 4-track cassette player. I received some interest from a small label in Austin Texas. But the only thing I got from the majors were postcards indicating that they don't listen to music that comes from musicians. They prefer lawyers and managers to find the talent.

It was an interesting experiment for me. That was the only time that I reached out to the labels. Currently I have no plans to contact them again. I'm enjoying the freedom and control that I have over every note of music.

I don't want somebody telling me to stop singing about politics. I don't want someone to tell me to pick ONE musical genre and stick with it. I don't want someone deciding what I should say, wear, or what my cd art should be. "This needs more guitar...", "Can you make it sound like Yanni?", "Can you take that word out?"

Additionally I do not want to be affiliated with a company that is owned by a parent company which is ruining the country and hurting the world in some way through corporatism.

I own my masters. It may take longer to make an album because I'm the only one writing the checks. I may work around the schedules of my musician friends, but it's totally worth it in my view. I may be reduced to a beggar, but you wouldn't know that by looking at the cd. This is not an inferior product in any way. I've had plenty of practice, I've been recording music since I was 8 or 9 years old.

I'm not opposed to the idea of getting a deal at some point as long as I can maintain my independence. Record companies are losing their relevance. But there's still plenty of appeal with a distribution or publishing deal.

indie

short for "independent";
refers to a philosophy based on a proactive approach to one's career;
retaining complete artistic control to maintain the integrity of one's art, regardless of record label affiliation.

[source: What is Indie?]

Music, Recording & Circus Living.
"Every show from a different train yard."
www.RyanStatesPodcast.com
Just two months after announcing plans to launch the podcast, the RSP begins THIS MONTH. Look for Industry Guests, Audio Clips, Subscriber Mail and the-making-of-the-album-on-the-circus-train!

You don't need an iPod. You can listen at your computer (or anything that downloads podcasts.) This is a 15-minute (ish) podcast with a new episode every month, supplemented with the occassional videocast.

Special thanks go to SpiderDesignsUK for the cover art. http://www.spiderdesignsuk.co.uk/ A big thank you goes to Thais Alves for lending her voice to the RSP. Thanks also go to Peter Bufano and Devan Lambert for their contributions.

Hey bass players:
Does anybody know where I can get Tony Levin style FunkFingers? http://www.papabear.com/pbtlff.htm Homemade would be fine.

The closest thing I've found is http://www.fingerstix.com/ ...but these are too short, and it's the wrong end of the drumstick.

As a result of union pressure Delta airlines has decided to officially accomodate musicians traveling with instruments. Delta will now allow all small musical instruments and guitars on board all flights.

The American Federation of Musicians and Local 802 have lifted their boycott of Delta and are currently urging all other airlines to adopt Delta's policies.

Several years ago I turned off the radio for good.
Analog radio=bad. Digital radio=good.

Radio only plays 4 styles of music nationwide. The commercials aren't relevant to my consumer needs. They play more commercials than music and lie about it. I'm not going to waste my time on mediocre entertainment.

"BECOME THE MEDIA."

I turned off network television 6 years ago and I haven't looked back. I had finally had enough. The bias of the news channels insults my intelligence. ENOUGH ALREADY. On 9/11 I knew that I was being lied to. I could see that the buildings were not burned down.

I felt that it was my duty as an American to turn off network television. Besides, it isn't real news-- it's either PR news or propaganda.

Now I use Internet to get news, podcasts and commercial free entertainment-- via Netflix... (not Blockbuster because they ignore their customers and have low standards.)

"BECOME THE MEDIA."

Fortunately I was able to switch service providers before Verizon Wireless TERMINATED my account. Yes I am one of the many Verizon PC/Express CARD customers getting cut off.

I don't know how you can charge $86/mo for "unlimited" Internet usage yet be PROHIBITED from downloading audio/video. I can't imagine an Internet without audio streaming or downloading music and podcasts.

Verizon charges more than any other service provider and places more restrictions on it's customers.

With Verizon you're not supposed to use their internet service if you don't ALSO have a land line connection. Hey Verizon, some of us live on CIRCUS TRAINS and RVs! What do you have against rich senior citizens and show people!?

I was with Verizon for 30 months. I never had a late payment. I spent over $3000 on service and now useless proprietary devices. They didn't give me a warning of any kind before making the sudden and final decision to drop me.

The name of my first podcast will be, "How Verizon Wireless Almost Killed the Ryan States Podcast." (grin)

A common misconception is that States is from Utah. Despite the fact that most of Ryan's family has moved to Utah and is LDS (Latter-Day Saint Mormons), Ryan is not a member of any church and has never been a resident of Utah -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

Ryan grew up in the Chicago suburb of Flossmoor. He also lived in the Dallas area, Long Island and New York City. He lived in Montana and Wyoming for two years "volunteering" as a Mormon missionary. He has since had a change of heart and requested to have his name removed from all church membership records. The LDS church did not honor this request at first. They didn't comply until Ryan threatened to take legal action.

Ryan's parents were the first in his family to convert to Mormonism. Therefore his family has no history of polygamy and no connection to the Mormon pioneers who settled in the American west.

Despite the fact that Ryan is from a large family of eleven kids he only had two parents. He did not grow up in a polygamous community nor did he know anyone who did. Instead he grew up in a perfectly normal American home where big cars and guns are good, and rock music and liberals are bad.

Last year 50% of Apple computer sales were from non-Apple users like me. Making the switch wasn't easy.

I'm building a professional desktop recording studio on the train (where I live.) I just switched from PC to mac only to learn that I can turn my Mac into a PC via Boot Camp. I installed Boot Camp and Window XP on my mac. It works fine. Now I can get rid of my old PC for good! Half of my software programs do not work on a mac.

The recording technology has completely changed since I built my last studio in the mid-90's. It's a full time job just reading all the gear porn to stay current.

My mac still won't read my PC formatted Maxtor external hard drive. I can't reformat it for mac. I don't know how to organize folders so that the subfolders appear before the other files. But at least the mac works with my Logitech mouse which I didn't even need to install.

Microsoft Office won't open my WordPerfect files. I decided to convert to Word. I only want to use cross-platform applications from now on. That's how I got into this mess. I decided that Logic Pro and Digital Performer were worth switching platforms for. I'm not as picky about word processing software as I am with music applications.

My MacBook Pro boots up in under a minute. My PC takes about 10. My mac is elegant, my PC looks like a prop from an early sci-fi film. My Acer laptop crashes 80% of the times that I insert a cd! When one of the keys on the keyboard broke I requested a replacement. It took 30 minutes to reach a human on the phone, and the promised replacement part never came. Apple isn't like that. When my mac was damaged in shipping they replaced it and allowed me to upgrade as well. I only had to make two calls to get that authorized.

This isn't my first time attempting to switch to mac. Last year I bought a used iBook. It worked great until I tripped on the power cord jarring the laptop. The new mac laptops corrected this problem. The power plugs attach with a magnet. If you tug on the wire it harmlessly disconnects.

Apple keeps one step ahead of the competition. It's even greener on environmental terms. Overall I'd say that macs are better -- but not by much. Ask me again in a year.

I am performing in my hometown, Chicago. We are at the Allstate Arena, formerly known as the Rosemont Horizon. We will perform for two weeks at the United Center starting next week. It occurred to me during tonight's show that the Rosemont Horizon is the first arena that I ever stepped foot in. When I was 15 years old I went to see the circus with a neighborhood friend. Now I virtually LIVE in arenas. It definitely feels that way on 3-show days!

Chicagoland is truly unlike any other place. It is an international city. People here dress and style themselves a certain way. You have the post-fire architecture as seen in the brick and stone work-- yet each house looks unique. Everything down to the fragrance of the trees reminds me that I'm in my hometown. It makes me miss being in a familiar place.

At age 15 I moved to Texas and was unable to return until 7 years later. During childhood I lived in a bubble. When I was a child I could never have imagined Chicago having gay neighborhoods or bars. I never imagined myself sitting in a night club with my partner, having beers and laughs with our straight couple friends.

It's a little bit Alice in Wonderland because Chicago is a place that I associate with memories of family and church. I almost feel that I could never live here again. Not because of the fierce winters but because it reminds me of my childhood, although that never stopped me from enjoying, immensely, my visits to this (now more) fabulous city. And it's not quite so cold 15 years later because of global warming.

Video clips are coming to the website. It will include examples of original film scoring works and song placements. This is a work in progress as I build my video reel. Maybe I'll throw in some circus home videos as well.

Tonight I was stuck at the Sacramento arena. Too far to walk/bike and the company doesn't provide transportation. After an hour I got a cab -- $40. It's getting very expensive to work here.