RYAN STATES: Artist Journal

Lifespring, Impact Training, Summit, Vistar... anyone? - April 28, 2010

Dyadic exercises, belief systems, sharing, complying to the rules, accountable for 100% of our lives, we set things up to be that way, "get out of your head", "quit anal-yzing everything"...

Any of this sound familiar? I'm referring to large group awareness, mass marathon training, and self-awareness seminars.

It seems little has been discussed about groups like these. I know a number of people who gone through the “training”.

I attended all three courses at Impact Training in the early ‘90s. Like most attendees I was recruited by family. At General Conference in 1997 LDS church leadership denounced such groups. Yet I still hear of LDS members getting involved. Perhaps it's confusing because there are many training companies under different names as opposed to having one unified church.

I was later recruited again in 2003. Despite my objections I was told this was a completely different experience from what I had when I went through Impact Training when I was a teenager. Though the name of the company had changed and the facilitator was new, I could immediately see they were using the exact same Day 1 script.

I was the last one standing and I chose not to consent to the rules because I objected to any activity that suppressed critical thinking of the participants. I walked out of the large room but was taken to another room for 30 minutes while they attempted to persuade me "go for it". I left but not without first expressing my disappointment in the character of the loved one who attempted to recruit me.

Her ex-husband, coincidentally, was the one who recruited me for the second course, back when I was 16. However she had only recently discovered the program. I later regretted criticizing her, I was perhaps too harsh telling her that she should know better than to waste time with them. You should never blame someone for getting involved in groups like these -- it's not their fault. Although they'd likely respond, "Don't should all over yourself"...

These trainings are regarded with full-on religious fervor. I find these seminars to be over-rated, potentially damaging, and at the very least a waste of time and money regardless of whether you listen with "your heart" or "commit one hundred percent". Admittedly at the time I personally experienced the typical elation and sense of heightened well-being, I thought as a result of courageous "sharing" and learning to fully "commit".

This subject comes to mind tonight because a TV show reminded me of my past experiences. There's a story-line involving a group like this in Season 2 of Six Feet Under, episode 3, The Plan. "...it's one of those self acualization things in the '70s where they yell at you for 12 hours and don't let you go to the bathroom." LOL

There are very few references to groups like this in pop culture. It must be because we were all sworn to secrecy.

I'd like to learn where it came from and what its true purpose is. I don't believe that it's to empower people. Is it designed to start a new movement or religion? Are we just lab rats? Is it purely a business for profit? Or a way to find suckers for another scam?

I am interested in finding studies and critiques on what some would call a brainwashing cult. Here's a start.

http://www.rickross.com/reference/lifespring/lifespring4.html
http://www.rickross.com/groups/lifespring.html

Lifespring (Wiki)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifespring

This Is It - October 28, 2009

Tonight, by a stroke of luck, as I stepped off the train into the cold Connecticut rain to walk to the grocery store, there was a cab dropping off our stilt walker.

...
I grabbed the cab and remembered that there was a cinema in the shopping center and tonight Michael Jackson's "This Is It" opens. At the cinema I discovered that our ringmaster and other circus folk would be here to enjoy the show with me. Michael has been quoted stating that he wanted his tour to be the "greatest show on Earth". Well, who better than *us* to decide.

I was expecting limited footage of actual performing with costume, lights, choreography… Boy was I in for a surprise. As a Netflix subscriber and an avid student of the Netflix College of Special Feature Commentaries, I was expecting the greatest behind-the-scenes program of all time— which it was, but much more.

...
Dancers, singers, and anyone who is part of the touring industry should see “This Is It”. Everything was cutting edge. From props, set design, pre-filmed video, wardrobe… Michael even had new dance moves – as always. Looking back he was always pushing the creative and technical envelope. He’s a true innovator. And that's not hype. I think a lot of other pop acts merely use the existing tools.
...

http://www.michaeljackson.com/us/home

Entire Article:

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=162397609914&ref=mf

Airport Security Views You Naked - October 13, 2009

Get a job at the airport screening passengers.

Free images!! <<<<ALL DAY PASS>>>>

Get paid to look at naked strangers!!

How about moving to LA, get a job at LAX, create a website under a pseudonym chronicling what you learn about celebs and vips. Who’s got boob jobs or scrotal penis pumps. Look at size, penile implants, who’s got one ball, piercings, past surgeries, pacemaker, colostomy inserts, mastectomies…

What qualifies these low-level security workers to do virtual strip searches? Their credit score?

I’m talking about the privacy issues around whole body imaging. Some of the machines have x-ray radiation in addition to the radiation you already get being up in a jet. Have fun frequent flyers.

The screener sits at a desk in another room. The system can already collect and distribute images, but they are telling us that won’t happen. Authorities already have our fingerprints and can trace private emails. What’s next, genital stats?

What are the implications for parents and caregivers? These are not doctors sitting there having taken the Hippocratic Oath. I won’t consent to this screening and I would never consent for a child have it.

When I flew this summer they didn’t tell me what the machine was. I should be told when someone will be viewing me naked. Perhaps I should be screening them too. History has not shown that the liberties we give up translate to greater safety or the greater good.

How fast will these images improve with newer technology and become more photorealistic? I’m tired of these companies trying to frame the discussion from an ‘either or’ position. Safety vs. privacy. That’s misleading. That’s AD COPY, which is inappropriate on the subject of national security.

Remember that 80% of the news is placed, i.e. paid advertising. So between the commercials is yet more advertising, but presented as news. There’s also an effort to brand the opposition as “complainers” or “paranoids” which is obnoxious. Let’s quit shaming people who don’t support bad products.

Aren’t security companies setting themselves up when they greenlight passengers with monster cocks? LOL Sounds dangerous.

Seriously though, is it enough to blur the face if there’s a chance it’ll end up the internet? Can the screener disable the blur feature? I think there should be a monitor where the public can view the screener in the other room. And to protect his privacy the camera should only show where his hands are... LOL

We should be using technologies that help us, not these wasteful and intrusive methods.

http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/9gVlBMZB62M/TSA+Unveils+Whole+Body+Imaging+System+Los/IgVRUObEbc3

http://epic.org/privacy/faa/bodysearch.gif

http://epic.org/privacy/airtravel/backscatter/
http://www.rantrave.com/Rant/Whole-Body-Imaging-Violates-Our-Privacy.aspx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz2AzjS1Wxg

You can’t get health care but you can have a non-physician view your internal organs. Ask them to check for cancer while they’re at it… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8rPplMm2kw&feature=player_embedded

CBS at DFW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA4-A-mzoWY&feature=related

Naked Scanner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GirKmyKkewc

You can see stomach contents (as well as the correspondent’s ball sac…)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnZcV6seF-M

http://www.gearlive.com/news/article/new_airport_screening_machine_will_have_you_bare_it_all_05160356/

http://epic.org/privacy/airtravel/backscatter/

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/05/18/airport.security.body.scans/

http://privacycoalition.org/stopwholebodyimaging/

http://www.dvorak.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/tsa-body-scan.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmBajus2jAY

These are funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-PeM0N-OgM&feature=related

http://davegranlund.com/cartoons/wp-content/uploads/tsa-flaws-web.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdJG6KQVizY&feature=related

Empathy Gene - September 17, 2009

Some people weren't born with the empathy gene.

There's no reason to believe MJ abused children. That family scammed him and the police had an agenda. The family had a history of doing things like that, which we didn't hear in the news. The racist DA was glad to damage the image of a pop star because he couldn't stand the thought of white kids growing up idolizing him. Welcome to America. MJ said it best in the Billie Jean lyric "the lie becomes the truth".

I understand what the tabloid journalists do -- produce garbage. But I'm disappointed by Leno and Letterman for taking cheep shots all these years at someone as vulnerable as MJ. It's a pet peeve of mine.

Michael didn't operate on himself. When there's bad cosmetic surgery a doctor is responsible for it. He hasn't had tons of work done. Obviously he looks different now, he's not a teenager! Do we look the way we looked then? I've known people with vitiligo my whole life. He didn't invent it. So he's supposedly ashamed of his race just because he has a relatively common skin disorder? Come on people... He was clear, he was proud of his race. Always forthright about that. So what if he had a nose job or two. White people sunbathe. I cut my hair, nails and wear deodorant. It's not self-hatred folks... So what if he likes white chicks. How does that make him less black?
Lol

You can't say his music isn't black. Hello! You're gonna say he's not in touch with his roots?? No one is funkier than Michael. Haven't you heard "Too Bad", "Scream", "Heartbreaker", "Stranger In Moscow", "Unbreakable", "Working Day And Night"... He was very involved in performing and composing the percussion parts as well.

And he doesn't restrict himself musically. He's explored all kinds of music. Haven't you heard his heartfelt-gut-soul-singing on, "Earth Song", "Is It Scary", "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"?

The REAL Michael Jackson is in his music. "Heal the World", "Beat It", "Childhood", "Smile"... He's a long-haired hippy with a sequined glove -- probably worn to disguise a skin disorder. Imagine being a pop idol and experience the changes he was faced with.

Here's a true confession, and a learning experience. When the allegations of sexual misconduct came out, and Texas djs were gossiping all day about it, and trial was going on --- I actually started to believe that MJ might be a bad person. And in protest I personally stopped listening to his music for years.

In hindsight I'm ashamed of my stupidity. What reliable information did I base that on? There was none. So it's embarrassing, intellectually speaking. It's foolish to buy into that garbage. Nowadays you can search on Youtube for all the interviews an artist did throughout the years. I don't recall ever seeing a Michael Jackson interview before the internet. So I couldn't watch and listen to him and decide for myself. I never had cable, VH1, or MTV... so I only got the racist Texas news.

People only believe and propagate the rumors because they're cruel by nature. We know that some people have something against black or effeminate men. Or effeminate black men... A lesser man (straight or gay) might have tried "butching" it up. But Michael never conformed to those standards. And why should he? They'd have to change the keys of all the songs. Lol

I've studied MJ the pop star and Michael the person. Sure he was shrewd and deliberately created a mystique. He's been called a student of PT Barnum. Sure he's unusual but he's not some weird wacko. He's not bizarre. All celebs have unflattering pictures.

The media crucified him. And lazy Americans, still thinking that the media produces actual news, ate it up.

People trust the news, not because there's any real journalism, but because of expensive graphics and the pleasant physical presence of the talking heads wearing expensive clothes. Don't forget the emotional manipulation. Once the truth is told we will be the only generation in history who believed Michael Jackson was a pervert.

Based on my research I don't believe that MJ groped or abused any children. I do believe that he slept in the same room, which he openly discusses on camera, even before the allegations or trial. Maybe MJ had too much faith in people. His only mistake is allowing himself to be vulnerable to attack. He should have been more concerned about appearances and how people could take advantage of him.

Michael saw himself as a caregiver. It's not weird or unusual for parents and children to fall asleep together on the couch for instance. People from large families (in small houses) understand this.

He doesn't change who he is to avoid being misunderstood by predudiced people. Once I almost changed one of my lyrics because I could see how an ignorant person might misconstrue it in a way that could reflect badly on me in their mind. But I don't want to be unnecessarily cautious at the expense of the art. I don't want to compromise the purity and innocence.

Even though Michael was innocent, I was forced to examine how I self-censored his music for a time. And I've learned that an artist's personal life and beliefs shouldn't matter to the listener. With all of my political views-- there wouldn't be any artists left for me to listen to because virtually none of them share all of my beliefs.

I was such a little bitch for not listening to Dangerous when it came out. I still can't believe that I had to wait two years to listen to HIStory because Mormon missionaries aren't allowed to listen to anything but hymns. Where did I get the discipline to wait? It's astonishing to me now just how upside down my values once were (in my former Mormon life). Art, beauty, expression -- are so much more valuable and important than structured dogmatic "living". In fact it's the difference between being creative or destructive.

I loved his last album. Many of the songs on Invincible were among his greatest all-time tracks. I wonder if people's opinion of the music was tainted by his tarnished reputation. How shallow would THAT be. Doesn't that conversely mean that the only way they knew the old stuff was great is because they were sold on the image of an artist, rather than possessing musical taste?

Despite how he was portrayed in the media MJ was only sued by two families over ten years apart. One family originally had stated that Michael did nothing wrong.

After they changed their story they went to an attorney before they went the police. They had a history of scamming people which was never publicized. Another thing that wasn't publicized is that Jordie's description of MJ penis didn't match. According to his description MJ was cut, but Michael was uncircumcised.

Criminal claims against MJ were brought to two grand juries. Neither one would indict. There was no $20M settlement. Not even close. People think Michael paid out of pocket but his insurance handled it. For 6 attorneys, 8 hours a day it adds up. No insurance company wants to spend $20 million per year on defense when they can end it. They are a business, it's not about getting your day in court. Plus Michael's friends Liz Taylor and Lisa Marie recommended that he end it, although his original attornys wanted to fight it and made plans for a countersuit.

Think about it, MJ was an overachiever. Do you think he was going to let that drag on 7 more years with no guaranteed outcome, or just settle and END it. I think it's pushing it too far to say he was a criminal or a wacko. Settling is not an admission of guilt. Any idiot can understand why a pop artist would want to bring the lawsuit to and end and stop the bad press.

Let's talk about the maid who told the press that MJ tickled her son and got dangerously close to his penis. 1) That contradicts her sworn deposition testimony, 2) she only mentioned "tickling" AFTER she was paid $20,000 for a juicy story for Hard Copy. You decide.

Could it be another American conspiracy to ensure no single person becomes too powerful, especially if he's black, and a peace loving person, and an environmentalist? He was completely at odds with the establishment. You can't put a bullet in ALL the black leaders, you just assassinate their reputation.

You think they're gonna just let Michael become bigger than Jesus? It's strange, people don't need proof to believe in god and they didn't need any proof to be convinced that Michael was a criminal. Don't believe everything you hear. Change the channel. One thing we know for sure, Michael Jackson was real. People will believe more in something that only exists in their imagination than something that is real, tangible, definable, measurable...

I don't care if you don't like him as a pop star or as an artist, but what greedy predators are out there! Screw all of you (you know who you are). You must be put in your place. Finally.

And how about that corrupt DA?... what a little bitch. The doctor threw out the baby and delivered the afterbirth!

Too dumb to count his balls and get the same answer twice.

Fuckwit.

On Alex Jones - July 7, 2009

I'm heading back through Texas this summer. But you don't need to be in Austin to find Alex Jones. We've all seen this guy especially on youtube. When I first heard him I thought "a young Rush Limbaugh". But I tried to remain objective and I discovered that his views were quite different from Rush.

There's an online video of him getting arrested asking Governor Bush a question. Not surprising that later the Bush administration put people on the "no fly" list if they publicly said things he didn't like.

You've probably heard Jones on Waco, "The Obama Deception", Loose Change, the police state, on civil liberties. He's a very passionate guy but I wasn't sure how much credibility to assign to him. I haven't seen him on the serious independent news outlets. However I have seen him in the mainstream news media. So I kept listening and this is what I learned.

He says global warming is a "pseudo science" and is not caused by humans. He seems to be anti-socialist. Anti UN. Called Spike Lee a "Bootlicker".

On Michael Jackson said he was a sad abused child who "clearly became a pervert". His "demonic family". "Everything about Michael Jackson makes me sick". Goes on about kidnapping good Christian people's kids.

I didn't realize that it was possible for a big conspiracy theorist to buy into all that tabloid "news".

He literally went on ranting and raving, groaning, and yelling over the fact that MJ was in the news. It's the first time I've heard Jones make such noises. I wonder if he hates MJ more than marshal law, US prison camps for citizens...

My iTunes iMix Playlists - June 9, 2009

My Lifetime Fav's [vol 1]
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=312419683

My Lifetime Fav's [vol 2]
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=312420041

My Lifetime Fav's [vol 3]
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=312420146

Pride, Closet, Coping iMix
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=312423836

Ryan's Sad Songs iMix
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=312422320

Fighting Foo - June 9, 2009

This is how guitars were meant to be played.

Hey Johnny Park

Tips on Self-Publishing for Indie Artists - February 17, 2009

This article is for indie artists and producer/composers who would rather create a simple, yet legit, business and avoid doing the ‘fake’ label thing. This is merely about releasing my own records and having the option to release projects with friends.

I'm creating a label out of necessity as a songwriter, I'm not aiming to build an empire -- I'm not trying to attract other artists to my label. This article is to help them create their own label.

This is about enabling me to produce and release my own musical endeavors. The music business side completely bores me, so the goal was to keep the business end as streamlined as possible.

Read this if you want to “up” your profile by printing cd art design using a label credit, or printing your copyright ownership credit using your own publishing company as opposed to your own name, which is probably already overused all over the place if you’re already wearing lots of hats on your indie album.

I was looking to create a business to enable me to have a professional look. You are often filling out forms online where they ask, ‘artist name’, ‘album name’, ‘label’, ‘publisher’... And I don’t want those last two columns left blank.

I decided to form my own label because I’m already doing what a record company does...provides financial support, owns recordings, owns copyrights, deals with distributors, promotes and develops artists and their repertoire.

Using a business name has the added advantage of allowing a composer to write under a pseudonym without the copyright credit giving it away.

I’ve found the following answers after weeks of reading, emailing indie artists/publishers, talking to a CPA, and hiring a Berklee music business consultant. So hopefully this will help save you a few hours and get you to the important questions you need to be asking yourself.

First pick out a few possible names. You should start by seeing if the domain is available at a site like www.godaddy.com. Then you can do a search as ascap or bmi’s websites to see if another publisher is using the name.

Lastly you’ll need to register a Doing Business As, or Fictitious Business Name in person at your county clerks office. You might look up your county clerk’s email online and ask if you can register online. I know it’s possible to register online in Florida and in Los Angeles County, but not available in Nashville (Davidson County). It used to be that you also needed to have the DBA announced in a local paper. This is no longer the case in some places like Florida.

Registering a DBA or FBN is required by law unless you’re just doing business under your legal name, and there’s a few other exceptions. Registering a DBA does not protect your name, for that you would need a trademark or service mark which is more complicated and expensive and probably requires using an attorney. This may be something to worry about later. You may create and use a unique logo design. There are some protections which come automatically, but you may also want to get it trademarked. Right now I just want to get up and running as quickly and cheaply as possible.

Registering a DBA can cost anywhere between $25-70. In Florida you will need to renew every 5 years. You can choose to register your business wherever you consider ‘home’ for your business. The tax situation in Nashville is better than NYC or LA.

If you were wondering if you can do all your record label dealings and publishing work under one company, there’s good news. You can. You can also create divisions and use various marketing business names under one company. Most people in my shoes would do a sole proprietorship. You can also create a corporation or a partnership. I’m only discussing doing it as a sole proprietor.

You need to ask yourself how you are going to deposit checks you receive for music licensing if they are written to your business name. You probably can’t deposit them into your personal checking account. I called my bank and learned that I could easily open an account online with just $100. They have an account for small businesses which has a $12/mo maintenance fee, which would be out of the question for a self-publishing business that’s not likely to earn more than $5000/yr at first. But you could waive the $12/mo fee simply by using your check card once per month to buy a coke at 7/11. Or even set up an auto pay for your phone bill, or a $5 auto pay to your favorite charity.

You can easily fund the account online through another account. This is great news for touring musicians who don’t have a vehicle and don’t know where to find the bank, if there even are any satellite locations in the region of the country you may be in. The bank I called said I could also waive the $12/mo fee by keeping a $3000 balance. Not likely…

Here’s the best part. You probably don’t even need to open a business bank account. The people we do business with will write the check however we ask them to. You can probably even have ASCAP or BMI do the same.

Remember to join ASCAP as both as an artist and publisher. Although I’ve heard that BMI will also pay you the publisher’s share without joining as a publisher.

When you join ASCAP or BMI they will look back 6 months. So don’t stress about trying to join before your debut record is released.

obvious disclaimer: I'm just passing along my own research -- for karma. This is not professional legal advice.

Funeral - February 4, 2009

Dad's funeral was last week. He'd been declining for several months. I took five days (missed three days work) to go to Dallas. Saw friends, and old church friends. Some nephews and nieces doubled in height since I last saw them. Saw several siblings I hadn't seen in over five years. Had some late-night laughs. It's a States thing...

My dad and I used to do a lot of archery. I got his bow and quivers. Also got the vibraphone my mom got him for their anniversary. I've actually recorded with it before. A lot of things sort of fell into place with a lot of support from family and friends. When you're the youngest you're not required to oversee and plan things. I just need to show up, that's one of the benefits of having older brothers and sisters.

Part of the stress of a week like this is unrelated to grieving. It's being in the same room with all the people you've been pissing off through the years. Also there's always new partners thrown into the mix. I met a new brother-in-law. Most hadn't met my brother's partner. And my partner couldn't get off work because we're not viewed as a real partnership. We'd have to get a joint bank account first. But straight people can get married without combining assets. I wish he could have been there. He's already met 9 out of us 11 kids.

Kanye West SNL - technical problem? - December 23, 2008

Everybody's been talking about Kanye's bad singing on Saturday Night Live. On ABC news the hosts said that both SNL and Kanye's people are saying it was technical difficulties. They say the settings were wrong on the auto-tune which is used for pitch correction. Also there was a problem with the voice track which supposedly comes in when the singer has trouble with the notes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YprR29vukZ4
First, let me say that I want Kanye's publicist. Is that the one who also came up with the story that it was acid reflux that caused Ashley Simpson's SNL moment.

Here's my take on it. People don't understand pitch correcting devices in the way they misunderstand quantization (rhythm correction). Neither device can make a person with bad singing (or bad rhythm) sound good. It's not a cure-all. They can help refine a performance but only if it's good to begin with.

I watched the video and the only technical difficulties I heard were bad singing technique. It's more likely that he was unable to give a good performance that night. Perhaps it was nerves from a live TV broadcast, maybe he wore out his voice by over-rehearsing. There are a lot of things that can prevent you from singing well. Poor training, or crying, failing to adequately warm-up your voice. Michael Jackson does vocal exercises for an hour before each song he records in the studio.

It's worth mentioning one technical issue which can be detrimental to a live performance that most people don't know about. Proper monitoring. Whether it's headphones, a monitor speaker or the in-ears you see Kanye wearing. The in-ears block out a lot of the sound from the sound system, drummer, or guitar amps... All their musical cues from from the all-important mix in their monitors. They need to be able to hear certain musical elements such as the key of the song, and to hear the rhythm which is off-set from what they're feeling acoustically in a room/theater/arena... They also must hear their own instrument voice at a level where they can hear what they're doing.
Monitoring is an artform to itself, and very rarely done well. Yet it's next to impossible to perform well without it.

When bad singers embarrass themselves on stage they should tell their publicist not to blame it on pitch correction. They should do what seasoned professionals do... blame the monitor guy.

Let's look at how popular artists do live pitch correction. Auto-tune only "rounds off" your pitch to the nearest note in a scale. If you're five scale tones off, auto-tune will go to the nearest wrong note. It has no idea what note you intended to sing.

As a producer/musician it's funny when people ask, "That sounds good. Did you quantize it?"

I don't actually know many people with rhythm good enough to even benefit from quantizing.

I've also had people tell me that my demo sounds too auto-tuned when I haven't used pitch correction. I wonder what they're really hearing. Is it the fact that I often double parts in unison-- and they're not used to hearing artists who do that. Or maybe they're just not used to my voice. I have a "bump" in my voice at 7kHz. It adds a brightness, edge, or harshness especially on fast moving notes. Maybe that's what they're hearing. Although lately I've been experimenting with EQing that out for a warmer tone. But sometimes I like to leave it in for a more abrasive timbre which cuts through the mix better, so I don't have to increase the overall level.

Singing - November 21, 2008

I’ve never been under the delusion that I’ll earn a living as a recording artist. Thit is something I do as a creative expression. People often don’t understand that it’s a labor of love. I’ve been performing from the age of 8 and recording at home since I was 10. Why would I stop doing what I love?

I don’t think of it in typical industry terms. I sing when I'm alone, I've made music in church, at school, on stage...while biking, while grocery shopping... Lots of people think that anyone who records music wants to be a star and on a major label. I don’t believe in letting someone else decide whether or not I get to make music. That’s absurd to me. But most of the artists/bands who get big record deals only get to do it a few years before they get dropped.

These artists don’t always write, perform, and engineer their own stuff. And after the label drops them they stop making music. I find that completely absurd. I don’t really relate to that or judge myself on those terms, admittedly I dream of not having to work at a boring or unfulfilling day job. I don't want to be a robot doing the same thing over and over. I hope to someday earn a living from home, either as an engineer, editor, producer… I have a lot of respect for the big name acts that go independent after they’ve been dropped.

As technology gets cheaper we’ll continue to see more and more indie artists and home hobbyists making music. And hopefully people won’t project so many false aspirations on us. If I wanted to be a singer I’d be out performing my original songs as much as possible. I’d have a gym membership. But as it turns out I’d rather be doing other things. I have no desire to be on a singular career path. I’m not comfortable fronting a band. I don’t even like speaking in public. I just think that I should be allowed to share my recordings without being compared to "career singers".

Some people that I know think what I’m doing on the circus is “pie in the sky.” I don’t really understand that because I’m here. This has been my reality for five years. Even though I am part of a community of musicians, I don’t really consider this job a music industry job. Circus is circus. It’s not a concert. Even though we record each tour for promotional use in national and local media, we’re not really part of the record industry. I have no delusions about that. I joined the circus for the same reason most people join the circus. It’s the solution to homelessness in an economy where I can’t easily earn a living in or out of the entertainment business.

I never set out to be a musician. I just come from a musical culture where I performed because people needed me for a various events. And my playing improved through that experience.

I have a completely different background and philosophy than your average aspiring singer/songwriter who enters the industry with the desire to perform their own compositions. I’m more of an on-demand, career musician. I’m a keyboard player, bass player, and dj whose done everything from weddings, bar mitzvahs, modeling pageants, community theater, school gigs, church gigs... Most working musicians are career musicians like me. It just so happens that I also do original music.

Even if an artist promotes their work in the media or online, that doesn’t mean that they want to be famous. It’s business. It’s about connecting the music with people who would be interested. The age of rock stars is gone. That’s well known within the industry, but the average person still thinks that anyone with a microphone is merely a “rock star in waiting”. I guess that makes us look pretty pathetic in their eyes.

My “Free Music” Philosophy - November 21, 2008

As a music consumer I find copy protection insulting and it seems like it would be bad for business.

My plan is to always have some music available for discount or for free. There are ways for music consumers and podcasters to access my music affordably. Obviously I’m opposed to people illegally selling artists’ music.

I’m against real music piracy where someone is profiting off of artists and manufacturing fake titles in mass quantity. I think that real music fans should be able to buy music and copy it on their computers, and their friends’ computers. They should be able to burn their custom mix cds for private use. There shouldn’t be copy limits. Music is a shared experience.

People can stream and download music selections at my website. I’m willing to let podcasters have unlimited non-profit use on a song-by-song basis with no time period or geographical restrictions.

I think bands shoot themselves in the foot when they sue their own fans over file sharing. It’s been said that obscurity is a bigger problem than piracy for artists.

I didn’t go into recording to get rich. I would consider it a great success to merely break even. It’s important to sell music out of respect for the great cost and effort that went into it. I have to pay royalties whenever I do a cover song. It costs money to get songs and recordings copyrighted. Owning a project studio and releasing music is very expensive. Any income from sales or licensing is going to help finance future projects…and justify my favorite pastime.

I’m gonna goto www.CreativeCommons.org and see what I can learn now.

Album Update - October 15, 2008

I've never been more involved with creating original music before. I've spent the past 2 years building a portable recording studio, familiarizing myself with daw recording, and working on my album.

The decision to mix the album myself has led me to an art form that I find very exciting. I've spent countless nights eagerly studying and training my ear. My life would be much simpler if I was only doing mix engineering. Also I'd be making money, not spending it. Mix engineering is far more complex than my previous experience in running live sound, deejaying, or making 8-track demos from my old home studio.

I'm deeply enjoying the process of collaborating with the musicians. Doing music notation, dealing with technical problems, being a producer, writing checks... can get a bit tedious. But there isn't anything else I'd rather be doing. I've never before been able do this-- I didn't have the budget, the instruments, or the gear for recording and mixing. Or the online networking and sharing of information.

It would have been extremely discouraging if someone could have told me the future, revealing how much time and money this would take. But every step of the way it's been an education and very creatively fulfilling. Not to mention an aid in future recording projects which shouldn't take nearly as long, especially if I'm performing a higher percentage of the instruments myself.

This album alone (not counting the studio investment) will cost over $15,000 which is 30% more than I projected. I've never bought or done anything nearly this expensive in my life. And hopefully it'll sound like I spent 10 times as much.

About half of the budget is for musicians alone. The figure does not including manufacturing or any promotional expenditures. I'd love to use even more musicians but next time it will have to be financed another way. But at least I can say that I did it my way. I'm responsible for all of the creative decisions with no label pressure.

Although there IS a lot of pressure. One strives to create a masterpiece. A record is like a business card. And it can determine which musicians and artists will want to work with me in the future. I want them to see that their performance will be presented in the best possible light.

At the moment I still have 14 parts that I need the musicians to record, and another 6 parts that I need to record myself. After that I can really dig into the mixing phase.

For the past 6 months my website traffic has been double the numbers of the previous 6 months. Every month exceeds the last, for two years straight. God bless hostbaby.

Train Run - October 15, 2008

I learned that I live in a "modern marvel". It's no small feat transporting all the people, equipment, animals from one city to another by train. I'm on a train run from Denver to Tulsa. For the past 36 hours I haven't seen anything out my window except farms and the landscape. Just like every week. We just finished doing the west coast for 6 months.

It's a rare treat to perform someplace new, and I've never performed in Tulsa before. They have a new arena. Until last week in Denver I hadn't worn more than a t-shirt for a year. Suddenly I was in 3 layers with ear muffs and gloves. After this week in Tulsa it'll be winter again. We're going to Chicago, Cleveland...

We only get two seasons on the circus and it completely switches in only one week. We perform in the south all summer and in the north all winter, so that we never have to compete with outdoor entertainment/attractions.

After four and a half years of this I'm beginning to miss spring and fall. One time I went 12 months without ever seeing rain. It was an odd touring coincidence.

My First Earthquake - July 29, 2008

This morning I was awoken by a California earthquake. I was sleeping in my train room here in Anaheim, which is twice as close to the epicenter as downtown Los Angeles.

We weren't scheduled for a train run yet, so I wasn't expecting the train to move for several days. I thought, "Did they forget to tell us they're rearranging the train cars today?" I looked out my window to see how fast we were moving. But we were still in the same spot.

It's a bit confusing when you're awoken by your first earthquake while you're in your train room where you're accustomed to motion. The train car already sways while it's parked during heavy winds or whenever people walk down the hall.

It felt different from how the train normally begins to move. Often there is a jerking force at the start of a train run. But this felt like we were immediately moving fast without the bumpy beginnings. It was actually a smooth but forceful sensation. I think the train car suspension, like cars, accentuates the shaking. Still it wasn't as scary as the ride we rode yesterday at Disneyland.

I think that being on a parked train during an earth quake is one of the better places to be. It's only one story high, no upper floors to collapse on you. It's already designed for motion. You're not anchored to the ground.

I just hope that the tracks are good on our next train run. I don't want any high speed derailments. An earthquake during a train run would be a nightmare especially if we're crossing a bridge over a highway or river...

Today's earthquake was felt not only in LA but also in San Diego, Las Vegas NV, and Tijuana Mexico. It was a 5.4. The quake was felt over 200 miles away. We were only 15 miles from the epicenter which was 8 miles below the surface at Chino Hills CA.

My Links on 9/11 Truth - July 21, 2008

I don't claim to know what really happened on 9/11, who was behind it, or why it happened. But I link to videos that raise questions. I link to them because I want to encourage dialog, debate.

Some things are clear. Building 7 was a controlled demolition that the city knew about and was expecting, I don't understand why this wasn't clarified in the official story.

The twin towers appear to be a controlled demolition although it's unclear who did it, or who knew about it in advance.

United Airlines Flight 93 was likely destroyed by the military after it was hijacked. We already know that the military has the authority to take out commercial flights in circumstances such as this.

It's unclear if a foreign power was responsible for the events of 9/11 or whether it was a coup d'état.

The pentagon was not struck by a large passenger jet. The pentagon won't release the videos of what occurred that day.

The US military manipulates the mainstream media and gives a skewed perspective. I don't understand why the official explanations are so far fetched. At this point I'm mostly left with questions, not answers. And it's no wonder why I no longer rely on network news for information.

What Stinks? - July 8, 2008

True Story:

Last week at the Tuscon arena after the show was finished, and the lights came back on I looked to my left at the seat nearest my keyboard and discovered the reason it still smelled like poop even after the elephants left the stage. Someone, less than two feet away from me left a used baby diaper under their seat. It was taped closed. I guess the show was so good that they couldn't 'bare' to miss five minutes of it.

Things You Might Not Know About Me - July 8, 2008

For most of my deejaying career I used speaker cabinets that I built myself.

I used to work in a gourmet Mexican restaraunt in Chelsea. I cooked burritos for celebs such as Harrison Ford, Calista Flockhart, and Joe Pantoliano, who had a beef with my manager. It was quite vindicating... and an exhilarating performance from Joe, I must say.

My student/teacher piano lineage traces back to Franz Liszt via Jack Roberts, and on to Czerny, Beethoven, Haydn, Salieri… They may have been geniuses, but did any of those guys play elephant music? I think not.

I now cut my own hair.

I used to read the news on WHFH in Chicago, my high school's own radio station.

As a kid I met Grizzly Adams on a family
vacation in Missouri.

I won a sewing contest in 1983 and received a camera for the prize.
It may have been a fake contest where my mom essentially bribed me with the possibility of winning a camera if I sewed something that coincidentally earned me my Sewing Merit Badge, in boy scouts.

I forgot the words to the national anthem while singing it at a high school football game.

My grandma's (much) older sister played piano in theaters where they showed silent pictures. I, too, am the offspring of 'older parents' which is how that's possible. She was born in the 1800's.

I still have a piece of a pencil in my arm from my high school chemistry partner who hated 'fag(s)', even though I didn't self identify as gay -- yet. He stabbed me during class. Nobody said anything. I was too embarrassed to tell the teacher or go to a nurse. You could say we didn’t have much 'chemistry'. Ha ha!

I haven’t showered in five years without wearing flip-flops. There’s only a few exceptions when I was staying in a hotel instead of my train car residence.

While playing keyboards at the circus during the elephant act, I have to spit out my gum. The elephants track dust, hay, and hair into the air, and small particles always 'manage' to get into the chewing gum. That’s good luck, right?

I am a Humanist. I do not place my faith in the supernatural. (Or circus superstitions.)

I always laugh hysterically while playing tennis.

I've never played golf.

While living in Texas I had to sell my cd collection for gas money. I got $3 for my Ben Folds Five album that I had autographed in Deep Ellum after a show.

I kissed my first girl at age 5 and my last girl at age 19.

I kissed my first boy at 23.

I’ve been doing my own laundry since the sixth grade.

I was electrocuted several times by the age of ten trying to build an electric bike, an automatic door opener in my bedroom, and customizing my record player by connecting two power cables to the amp simultaneously. I had a need for loudness early on...

In the fifth grade I installed speakers on my skateboard, and it worked.

Work-arounds - June 12, 2008

I really wish I was working more on music right now, but I find myself busy trouble-shooting my Finale installation, figuring out how to use Adobe Illustrator, figuring out how to create a cd digital booklet of pdf's...and I don't know why Ai makes it so difficult to do something as simple as cropping a pdf without all the layers shuffling by when you view the booklet. I learned that I can create a single file of multiple (pages of) pdf's, without purchasing the entire Adobe Pro Suite or whatever. My mac came with a program called Automator which can do that.

Also I'm transferring audio files into my computer from my old 8-track and Roland keyboard workstation. It's not easy getting everything synchronized properly. It's like time travel when the only way to transfer an audio file is though an audio cable. It's not like simply moving around computer files.

Taking Matters Into My Own Hands - April 29, 2008

The A/C has been out several more times. They've replaced the digital controllers twice, thanks to new management. But it's still too hot to store perishables in my room. It's too hot to have two bodies in one room. It's was 83 degrees Fahrenheit last night, and also today. That's WITH the A/C blowing. The digital controller in the hall shows that the temperature isn't getting down to it's target.

After a year of being on this train car, and the problem never being fixed I've started looking into purchasing a portable A/C unit. I wish I thought of this sooner. I'm discovering that all the powerful units require an exhaust hose. I can't modify my emergency window. I wonder if you can just set the hose in your sink. That's fine if it's just a drip, but what if the byproduct is water vapor? Will this work?

I'm bummed about having to spend $400-600 plus shipping, on an A/C unit which will take up my entire counter space. But I'll do it if I can resolve the exhaust problem.

Soon we'll be heading south for the summer months to perform in Vegas, southern California, Arizona, New Mexico. Last summer the A/C kept going out. Believe me it's difficult to sleep when it's 95 degrees inside.

We live in a tin can. There's no insulation from above or below. We get direct sun exposure on three sides. Our kitchens, and heat producing refrigerators, are inside our rooms. It would be nice if the windows could be opened instead of permanently shut.

I've already had to send my computer to the shop once before, probably for heat damage. Today it's acting up again. It's not recognizing my usb software security keys, therefore I can't open my music programs and work on my music or podcasts.

The train crew cut two of my bike locks Sunday to move the train. They did it at least 30 minutes before the announced time. They weren't communicating with each other, because I had already talked to porters that morning about removing my locks. One of my locks is used to store spare parts outside the train.

This wasn't the first time they cut one of my bike locks. Last time they didn't have any problems with reimbursing me the damage.

Debut Album, Behind Schedule - April 8, 2008

The debut album is behind schedule because of budget restraints and a grueling tour schedule. Every phase of the project, from recording to mixing, mastering, art...is dependent upon that weekly check every Friday. The record is expected to be released this Summer with the follow up record arriving near the end of the year. We're actually making three records at once.

Yes, I know, it's already been a lifetime in the making... but understand that I've only had a studio a few months. Plus we spent 5 weeks creating a new show, and recently did a stint in NYC where I had a million things to do, so the album was put on hold. I still managed to send out a couple charts to "Internet musicians" and we had a photo-shoot in Brooklyn.

It'll cost another $4,000 to finish the record, so we're just going to have to wait until July. I'm thinking about releasing a couple singles in advance for download only.

Albums are made much faster when the writer, arranger, producer, engineer and band aren't the same person. Having said that, there are at least twenty other people lending their creative talent to the record.

The singer/songwriter type material will be performed with musicians from around the world contributing. The album is expected to be sold at CdBaby. Downloads should become available in the months following at various music sites such as iTunes, Napster, Rhapsody and eMusic.

About the Forthcoming Record - March 27, 2008

The debut album is, at it's heart, a love letter to NYC. It's about one's determination to achieve happiness despite the obstacles and separations. All songs are new. I wrote all but two of the songs.

There is a song with religious imagery about the end of the world, and the day after. There is a coming out song. Two songs of loss. One on suicide, one on 9/11. Several hit on my 'favorite' NYC theme; coming here but not being able to stay... Not exactly an album for doing pilates. Through it all there is a tone of hope and perseverance. Throw in a tune about new love and mix everything in an oversized gypsy bag and you have, Strange Town.

The music is guitar and piano driven 60s and 70s rock, for the most part. We also have rock organ, strings and winds. No loops or samples, just dirty old rock and roll. It's a musical tipping of the hat to singer/songwriter albums from the past.

The slow tempo tunes have hooks and usually last less than three and a half minutes. No long intros or instrumental sections. One song was written in Butte Montana in 1993 when my missionary companion got transfered. It was my first area, my training ground, and the oldest composition I'll likely ever release.

80% of the songs have never been on a circulated demo/mix tape because they're new. The remaining 20% will be revamped and properly mixed and mastered for the first time.

Here is a taste of something from the album. I'm still recording and mixing "Immigrant (Fish Out of Water)". This is a WORK IN PROGRESS.
http://www.ryan-states.com/music-group-28.html

Long Distance Musicians - March 25, 2008

Online Recording (aka Virtual Recording, Remote Recording, Internet Recording)

I'm talking about making an album with musicians who have home studios, or at least they "know a guy" with a studio.

If you live on a train online recording is priceless. I'm using lots of different drummers, guitarists... I deliberately wanted to network with musicians through the collaborations of this album. It's not enough to just know one drummer, for instance. What if I have a deadline and he's on tour? What if he relocates to a new city and doesn't have a studio anymore?

Using different musicians helps to diversify the sound. Each drummer uses a different drum kit, different microphones, room sound... Each guitarist has their own arsenal of stringed instruments.

It also helps to speed up the recording process since you're not depending one musician to do all 12 songs. You can spread the work around.

It's fun selecting which drummer will be playing with which sax player or bassist. You can put players who know each other on the same song, or you can mix it up.

My aim is to ask musicians to do things that I know they will succeed at. "Long distance" recording can go wrong in many ways. But I'm learning how to avoid the pitfalls. I'm collaborating with a guitarist in New Orleans. We were on the phone talking through the song, section by section. He emailed me 2-4 rough ideas per section. I'd select my favorite and then he'd record a perfect take of the riff, strumming, or melodic line.

Running Off With the Circus - January 20, 2008

I get asked this question a lot, "So how did you join the circus?"

In 1996 I was a student at the University of North Texas. I saw an ad on the bulletin board in the hallway next to the jazz office. It said, "KEYBOARDIST WANTED FOR GIGGING BAND". It was the only ad for a "gigging" band.

When I called the phone number I learned that it was the circus. They were currently in town playing at the Dallas Reunion Arena. I went down there and met the bandleader and was hired on the spot. When the circus train left town I was on it. I subbed for three months.

Four years ago I was looking for work and decided to return to the circus. I went online and found the email address of the music director. I informed him that I was available if needed. I expected something to open up within a few months. Fortunately they needed me ASAP. Two weeks later they flew me out to Norfolk Virginia to join the tour. I was hired based on the recommendation of the trombone player who was still with the company all these years later, only now he's a bandleader.

No A/C Again - January 19, 2008

The A/C went out two more times this week. I have a feeling that they repair it by kicking the unit until turns on. My refrigerator may be the reason it gets over 90 degrees in my room even when it's cooler outside. A lot of heat emanates from behind the fridge. Also contributing to heat is the fact that the window is permanently closed. That's only partially true-- the window doubles as an emergency exit if you pull the cord and tear out the surrounding rubber.

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